Naivety Killed the Cat

So my best friend once told me writing on this blog is therapeutic in times of craziness. So I come to this form of expression out of fear, anxiety, and, most importantly, out of desperation. I don't know what to do, so, dear blog, please work your magic.

I am naive. I am stupidly, mind-numbingly, fucking naïve.

Funny, seeing as though I used to, and still do, pity those who aren't in touch with the world. I suppose I pity myself now, then.

In the midst of an awesome day in Berkeley, I realize that I have been too naive here. I realize that the relationships I have held so dear to my heart here at Berkeley are not what I thought they were. Perhaps it is partly my fault. I shy away from verbalizing the most important things on my mind because it is foreign to me, but now I realize this is the biggest mistake I could make in life.

I guess it was when Nicole told me about the housing situation that it hit me, like my ineptly controlled Mr. Fox character in Super Smash Brothers when I play the computer on level 10. The people I have known so well in college and, dare I say, have become my life at Berkeley do not have me in their plans for the future. MY FLOORMATES from the invincible 6th Floor of Deutsch are making plans without me.

I was naive to think that we didn't hang out this year because of how far we lived from school or because of our commitments to school or because we were bettering ourselves in other ways or because of one of the other million reasons I made up and defended avidly. But the simple truth is here: we just aren't happy together anymore. Why I keep lying to myself, I don't know. It's easier, I suppose. It's easier to think that once Cary doesn't have her Circle K meetings anymore we'll instantaneously resume our friendship where it left off. It's easier to think that if we wanted to, at any moment, we could all be friends like we used to. But life doesn’t work that way. It’s time to wake up and accept that the Matrix is just an illusion.

Naivety killed the cat. I just hope that saying about them having 9 lives is true.