The Calm Before the Storm

So it is week 4 here at UCLA and my first midterm is coming up on Wednesday. Instead of studying like a madwoman because I haven't done anything for school since the quarter started, I'm going to take some time to write. The past month has been kind of amazing. Towards the end of break I had my big epiphany, which is, to sum it up, that I don't know what I want. Which may not seem like such a great epiphany... but this realization really affected me. I had one of the happiest days of my life that day... doing absolutely nothing. (Which made me realize further that everyone should have an epiphany once in a while. A frenzy of happiness will result.) I finally noticed just how caught up I was with being the best business woman in the world...and doing everything necessary to keep up with the pack. I completely forgot to think about if it was what I really wanted. I'm not the type that likes to follow the status quo, and I've realized that I've been doing just that this whole past year. All my talk of transcendentalism and being my own person seemed to dissipate without my ever knowing. So I asked myself, "Why exactly am I trying so hard to be an accountant?" I couldn't think of any solid reason. Sure, the pay is good. It seems fun to travel as an auditor. But JULIE?? An ACCOUNTANT?? I think I was just afraid of falling behind. I wanted to find some certainty in this confusing world. The path to being an accountant is pretty straightforward and definite. But is it worth the cost of my happiness? Now, I'm not saying I don't want to be an accountant. I have 2 interviews for summer accounting internships coming up that I plan to kick ass in. I'm just saying that I don't need to solidify anything in my life right now. I want to keep my options open. A little uncertainty is good for everyone. 

This epiphany over break led me to my second epiphany this past weekend. With both my roommates coming home for the weekend, I finally had the whole room to myself. And I cherished EVERY minute of it. I guess everyone just needs some time alone. I played my own music. I watched TV with a blanket and pillow on the floor. I walked around the room wearing nothing but a towel. I turned off the lights when it was time for ME to sleep. And... I finally got around to writing in my journal. 2 things came from writing in my journal. 1: I realized just how much I miss writing. When I was little, I used to write  a bunch of short stories just for fun. Now, writing for Bruin Business Review, though I sometimes write boring articles on how to get financial aid, I recall how much I enjoy writing. So, I have decided to write more, in an attempt to relieve stress, improve my writing abilities, broaden my vocabulary, and further my personal development through self-reflection. 2: Writing is good for self-reflecting. I like self-reflecting. It helped me realize how limited my perspective on life is. I am now determined to know and see as much as possible. I plan on taking a bunch of random classes for no other reason but the fact that they interest me. I'm also thinking about taking more Chinese classes and, possibly, some other foreign languages as well. But MOST importantly. I want to travel. I want to be able to see the world and live on my own and make a difference (even if it's just a small one.) I want to enjoy life.

So basically, the past month has been a blast. I saw Kaba Modern, ate twice my weight at Todai, and brought my Dboat friends back to Diamond Bar. I had loads of fun just screwing around every day and not really worrying about anything. Now, it's time for reality. My midterm awaits.